In order to see our prayers answered, we want to put some effort into achieving some new goals in the new year.  Although New Year’s Resolutions are often scoffed for being useless, we view them in a more positive light, knowing that we all need fresh starts from time to time.  We will be considering the book of Philippians, hoping to learn a more ‘muscular Christianity’ that matters, a faith that is willing to be poured out.

Paul says that the key to that kind of life is the JOY that comes with living a life sacrificed for the sake of God.  May you experience his joy in the New Year!

One of the reasons for excitement is that all these events are created with the idea of inviting guests in mind.  We want to create an environment that will be easy for guests to have fun, meet some great people, start some meaningful relationships, but most of all, meet the most interesting King of the universe.  Our Lord is an inviter, pursuer, and deliverer.  All of these events leading up to Christmas day are highlighting Jesus’ heart of welcome and invitation.  If you’re reading this and are unfamiliar with the Athens Vineyard, we would love to meet you sometime soon.  If we do, you will find a comfortable, authentic, warm community of Jesus followers, who are honest and open.  Quite simply, it’s a great and save place to explore faith in God.

See you soon.

So what can we do but decide that we are going to do some shining?

The good thing is that we already experience Jesus at the Vineyard, so the easiest way to shine in our town is to invite folks to come and see.  For us, that means inviting guests to Sunday mornings at the Vineyard, but also to our home groups during the week and special events we create (usually with inviting in mind!).  We’ll supply you with some easy to use invitation cards, and you do the rest.  Let God lead you to the people he is already working on.

Before the end of the year, we’ll have lots of things worth inviting people to:

• Fall Party/Chili Cook-off - Sat Oct 29, 4 PM, at 3578 Washington Road in Washington, GA.
• Costume Bowling – Sunday Oct 30, 6:00 PM at Showtime Bowling.
• A Family Affair – God shows us how to walk out our lives as his kids starts Nov 6
• Thanksgiving Dinner – Nov 20, 6:00 PM at the Vineyard.
• White Elephant Gift Exchange in December
• Christmas: The Untold Story – Message Series for Christmas starts Nov 27

COME AND SEE!

John and Marie Barnett are doing a southeast tour with our friend Ryan Delmore.  John and Marie Barnett are long time Vineyard worship leaders and songwriters . . . having written songs like Breathe (I’m desperate for You) and Holy and Anointed One (Your Name is like Honey…)  They wrote songs that many of us grew up singing!  Having them come through is a Big Deal!

Most of us are familiar with Ryan Delmore.  We sing a lot of his tunes, and he was here at the Vineyard last fall.  Some of his songs are: Jesus Name, Sing Like Mary Sang, So Merciful, The World Can’t Take it Away, and Love of God.

We’ll start the event at 7 PM on Friday, September 30 at the Athens Vineyard, which is 120 Ware St in Athens, GA.  Childcare will be available, and we’ll take an offering to cover the musician’s expenses.

We also want to introduce you to the Mukti Network Nepal in Kathmandu.  Mukti Network Nepal is a network of Christian believers and organizations in Nepal dedicated to pray and work together to fight Human Trafficking and Sexual Exploitation.  Our own Shannon Taylor is the key leader for Mukti Network, and it is an honor to be supporting her and working alongside her fighting this human atrocity.  Sunday the 25th will provide you an opportunity to hear a presentation by Shannon for this event.

We believe in the power of prayer.  We believe in a God who empowers his church and calls us to work alongside him in bringing the Kingdom of God to bring justice and liberty.

John and Marie Barnett are doing a southeast tour with our friend Ryan Delmore.  John and Marie Barnett are long time Vineyard worship leaders and songwriters . . . having written songs like Breathe (I’m desperate for You) and Holy and Anointed One (Your Name is like Honey…)  They wrote songs that many of us grew up singing!  Having them come through is a Big Deal!

Most of us are familiar with Ryan Delmore.  We sing a lot of his tunes, and he was here at the Vineyard last fall.  Some of his songs are: Jesus Name, Sing Like Mary Sang, So Merciful, The World Can’t Take it Away, and Love of God.

We’ll start the event at 7 PM on Friday, September 30 at the Athens Vineyard, which is 120 Ware St in Athens, GA.  Childcare will be available, and we’ll take an offering to cover the musician’s expenses.

We are taking some time at the Vineyard to talk specifically about this third person of the Trinity.  Why? So we can better understand and experience him.  One of the most important truths learned from scripture about God is that he wants to be our God, for us to be his people, so he can dwell in our midst.  Well, the dwelling in our midst part is pretty much carried out by his Spirit, so let’s find out more about it!

In the languages the bible was written in, the word ‘Spirit’ is the same word as wind and breath.  I like the picture above.  To me, it symbolizes groups of people being empowered by the wind.  We’re calling this series ‘God’s Empowering Presence’ because we want to learn how to be in the best position possible to experience God and to be empowered by him.

Join us if you can.

Posted below are notes and information about forgiveness, derived from a recent message given at the Athens Vineyard, by Fletcher McClelland, Christian Counselor.

Myths About Forgiveness

Look at what a professor of psychology at Hope College says: “Forgiving doesn’t mean ignoring an injustice or letting someone treat you badly. Remember that it’s not a wimp’s response. It takes a strong, courageous effort to make that move. Letting go of your grudges takes a great deal of moral muscle.” (Charlotte vanOyen Wilvliet, quoted in Zest Magazine, (UK) October 2000.) Professor vanOyen Wilvliet’s study, “Embodied Forgiveness: Empirical Studies of Cognitive Emotional & Physical Dimensions of Forgiveness-related Responses” was approved for Campaign for Forgiveness Research funding.

Forgiveness is not about glossing over wrongs.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu: “Forgiveness is taking seriously the awfulness of what has happened when you are treated unfairly. Forgiveness is not pretending that things are other than the way they are.”

Forgiveness is not amnesia.
“Forgiveness does not equal forgetting. It is about healing the memory of the harm, not erasing it.” Dr. Ken Hart, as quoted in Zest Magazine (UK), October 2000. The offense will still be part of your history, but it does not have to dominate your life.

Forgiveness is not pardoning, condoning, or excusing: forgiveness does not remove consequences.
Pope John Paul II forgave his intended assassin in a face-to-face encounter. The individual remains in prison where he can do no further harm.

Forgiveness does not have to include reconciliation; forgiveness is not the same as trusting.
The injured party can forgive an offender even though the offender may never (or for safety sake, must never) be a part of his or her life in the future.

“Forgiveness is not a magic trick that allows us to control other people.”

Robert D. Enright, PhD.

Even if you change, the other person may not. Each person has free will.

FORGIVENESS: 14 STEPS

© Paschal Baute 1993

1. Accept that the present situation is not a happy one for you, and that if there is to be any change, you alone must make it first. Further, that you have no direct control over the other’s thinking, feeling or behavior.
2. Recognize that there are great differences in perceptions, that we are blind to how we impact others, and that we all tend to idealize ourselves.
3. Remember that you are an imperfect human being: blind to yourself & not knowing it. You are probably more self-centered than you can ever see yourself. We all are. You had some part in whatever happened. Your halo was probably off-kilter some way. The easiest thing in the world is to blame.
4. Some expression of your anger or hurt to someone may be either useful or necessary for the process to get started well. The listener does not need to be the offending person but should be one who can truly empathize yet be objective, not just agree with you, but also challenge you to reframe it!
5. Realize that forgiveness is for YOUR sake, that holding on to resentments is more hurtful to you than anyone else. It keeps you from living fully in the present–the only moment in which we can live peacefully and free of the past negatives.
6. Understand that holding a grudge can give you a secret power and sense of superiority over others. Dwelling or sucking on hurt or pain can make one feel quite “special.” Many persons actually prefer holding on to resentments because of the hidden “fringe benefits” or payoffs. Examine what your possible pay-offs may be: the victim or martyr role offers diverse benefits. List some!
7. Examine whether the good points of the other person outweigh their faults even though you feel you were treated badly. Reflect upon this: “Will you feel better or become a better person by trying to improve the relationship?”
8. Comprehend that forgiving is NOT forgetting or condoning. “Because I can’t forget I can’t forgive” is an alibi & not true, and distracts form the fact that forgiving is simply a decision not to dwell or suck on the hurt. It is a decision that may need to be made repeatedly, for as often as necessary, “seventy times seven”…”Forgive us as we forgive…”
9. Be aware that forgiveness is, believe it or not, 100% your responsibility, and that you DO NOT really need the other person to admit that they were wrong. Waiting until they admit wrong keeps YOU stuck in the past. Many crucify themselves between two thieves of regret (or resentment) and guilt, then believe that others or the “world” has done it to them.

10. Be willing to learn whatever is helpful or necessary to leave the past to the past. There are some psychological techniques…Be willing to discover what your own hidden compulsion is. Address your own interpersonal impact, with some serious self-study.

11. For the person of some Christian belief, deep, profound hurts from a close family member may take regular, sustained prayer even for a long period of time, in order to forgive. Our wounded ego or hurt pride may not yield except through divine grace, and bringing my will into God’s loving kindness. Some hurts are so deep that they require patient prayer and time to heal.

12. For the Buddhist, the remedy is the regular practice of meditation, mindfulness, letting go of attachments, the discerning that suffering is an inevitable part of human life, and the attainment of compassion for all creatures. Attachment to one’s own views is seen as the source of all pain.

13. If you have the courage, seeking feedback from the other person can be an occasion for considerable increase in self-awareness, some insight and possible reconciliation. Begin by saying: “I’m sorry for my part…”

14. Regardless of whether the other person responds or changes, the final step is to keep on willing love and goodness to them, wishing the best for them.

Suggested steps for healing/forgiveness prayer

1. Confession

God I confess that when __________________happened I felt _______________ and continue to feel _______________ such that my heart is bound by unforgiveness.

2. Renounce

I choose as an act of my will to renounce my own vengeance or hope for ill to my offender and I plead the blood of Jesus as God’s justice for all the wrongs committed in this world.

3. Forgive

I choose as an act of my will, whether deserved or not, to extend forgiveness to my offender (insert name) for ________________(name offenses specifically).

4. Forgive

God, as I forgive ___________ for his/her transgressions, would you forgive me for my perception of your failings and purify my heart so that I may truly see you as the all consuming God and LORD of my life.

5. Forgive

God, I confess my own failings and difficulty in truly accepting who you made me to be.  Please forgive me and let me now receive your grace as I forgive myself and choose to agree with you in prayer (ad lib truths from Scripture to stand strong in God’s perfect peace).

6. Bless

God I bless you for your goodness, unfailing love, and ______________.  Please bless my offender ______________ to know your best for his/her life in every way!  In Jesus’ name, Amen! (Continue to pray blessing on this person when they come to mind; keep on thanking God and live out of a place of knowing you are blessed.)

Questions?

Contact:  Fletch McClelland, LPC by email: FMcClelland@cprathens.com

This teaching or a reasonable facsimile was originally presented by Kenn Gulliksen.

David explodes in anger—2 Samuel 12

Nathan tells him of the stingy man unwilling to make provision for a traveler and instead takes the only lamb of a poor neighbor to fulfill his hospitality requirements.  Lost in the story, King David vows justice on this violator!

1. Note that David’s rage blinds him to his own sin.

2. God offers an opportunity to re-center out of David’s narcissism:  God says “I made you King, and I gave you….”

3. 12:12 “you treated the word of God with brazen contempt!”

Note:  John Gottman’s “four horsemen of the marital apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.”

4.  12:13 “deed done in secret”

Note how God is light and promises to act before the whole nation.

Note further how secrets will plague David’s family as grudges can be covertly nurtured.

5.  To his credit (12:13) David confesses—shifting from arrogant/proud to humbled and God forgives him.  Note how you may prefer to forgive once someone has repented.

Reflection: What is cheap grace?  How does it compare to “working out your salvation with fear and trembling?”

God afflicts the child 12:15

As David recovers from his grief around the loss of his and Bathsheba’s child, his servants are perplexed and afraid to interact with him.  Authorities in our lives and even God can distress us as we wonder what apparently arbitrary thing will happen next.

1. Note that relationships are meant for a redemptive purpose; “cool and nice” often fail to help one another love the truth.  God allows real consequences.

2. Prayer and fasting do not make it all smooth.

3. Grief, emotional pain, and sin can deregulate your health/sleeping/eating patterns.

4. David comforts Bathsheba and experiences hope for a new son (12:24); additionally, his army captain, Joab, demonstrates loyalty.

Reflection:  What hurts have been most profound by authorities in your life and how far has the healing process come?

Act sick to get what you want—2 Samuel 13

David’s first born, Amnon is obsessed with his half sister, Tamar and is a wreck about it.  Amnon’s cousin, Jonadab, advises him on a scheme to get Tamar’s attention, but Amnon handles his attraction sinfully and lures Tamar into what we might call a “date rape”.

1. Note how Amnon refuses to listen to Tamar’s pleas 13:14 (a-surdis, latin for not listening, hence the absurdity)

2. Amnon is “much stronger” and forces himself on Tamar.  Are your relationships characterized more by love/interest or power/control/position?

3. Tamar obeys her Father to care for Amnon; she also sets healthy boundaries by asserting herself: “Don’t hurt me!”, yet she is victimized and tragically ends up a “desolate woman”.  What do we do with situations where there does not appear to be a blessed ending like in the case of Job?

4. Note the addictive flip from one extreme to another—he loved/desired her then alternated to hating and rejecting her (13:15).  Amnon was eaten up by his own appetite.

5. Tamar experiences the rejection and shame as an “even worse evil” to the rape.

Reflection: sexual trauma and emotional pain can echo through families and even cross generations.  What pain has your family been dealing with?

Absalom advises Tamar: “Don’t take this so hard!” 13:20

1. How have you been a part of invalidation of someone’s feelings? Or of being advised not to feel the way you do?

2. How much does Absalom’s advice to “keep this in the family” help or hurt Tamar?

3. The prophets Ezekiel and Jeremiah pronounce “Woe to the Shepherds of my flock, they treat the wound as though it were not serious; they say “peace, peace, when there is no peace!”

4. David is enraged due to Tamar’s pain.

Reflection: when the pain is about how someone has hurt someone you love, rather than you directly, how do you handle this?

David did not discipline Amnon 13:21

1. Is David feeling disqualified to discipline given his own sexual failings?

2. Proverbs describes discipline as a thing of beauty, but describes how inclined the heart is to despise discipline.

3. It is work to be a parent!

4. Absalom, like his Father, shows passivity in refusing to speak with Amnon—he “hated him for violating his sister”.  How important does it seem to you to pray forgiveness for things done and left undone?

5. If it is appropriate to “hate what is evil, cling to what is good”, then how do we handle intense negative/painful feelings well?  How do we practice righteous indignation without getting so easily off track?

6. “Two years later…” notice the process and that time (alone) does not heal all things. (13:23)

Reflection: what did your parents fail to do for you?  How are you failing to parent or for those without children, be a redemptive presence in friends’ lives?

Absalom’s sheep shearing party

1. Absalom avenges his sister and murders Amnon.  While the rest of the kings sons were fleeing on their mules, a “rumor came to the king—all your sons are killed!”

Whether internal talk or rumors from others, our fears make us brace for the worst case scenarios and we can get in the habit of anxiety.

2. David responds by “throwing himself on the floor”  (then appropriate for grief) but can  we similarly dig a pit to get down in emotionally” especially when we don’t have the facts?

3. Jonadab “the Advisor” enjoys saying “see, just as I said”.  While forgiving “know-it-alls” can be a chore, our own similar prejudices keep us from growth. IOW we can anxiously keep ourselves repeating the same thought habits and bad feelings.

4. Facts are important to grasping reality well so learn to love the truth, but how have you noticed debates about the facts (a) can leave our minds reeling with fear?, or (b) creating endless point-counterpoint arguments that seem to only agitate the situation?

5. David mourned a long time. Absalom fled and exiled himself.  “Three years later…”

Reflection: In what ways does partying or other distractions keep you from the truth that something lethal could be going down?

Joab knows the king’s heart 2 Samuel 14

1. Like Nathan’s use of story, Joab prevails upon a wise woman to relay a story to David.  Apparently the common emotional experience of her story is a means of creating empathic understanding, in this case for David himself.  If we are to have the heart of God, how does empathy play into the process of forgiveness?

2. The wise woman gains the King’s alliance for help, then she asks him to help himself.  “God does not take away life, he works out ways to get the exile back”.  She calls on him to be the “better man” modeled after God.

3. Joab takes an active role—not passive—“to change the present situation” 14:20

4. Another model of confronting is to (a) identify the topic and (b) request time to address a person on that topic.  Part (c) is to practice enough safety (emotionally) for dialogue to continue, which can include “time outs” to maintain a productive state of mind/dialogue.  Discussion of feelings often needs priority before solutions can be discussed.

5. Joab finds favor and the King takes a step towards reconciliation by allowing Absalom to return, yet without opportunity for a face to face meeting.

6. Two more years…Absalom now has four children, one a daughter named after his desolate sister, Tamar.

7. Frustrated with the lack of resolve, Absalom insists Joab approach his Father the King on his behalf by literally putting a fire under him (barley field). 14:32 “if guilty, he can put me to death”.

8. (14:33) the King, David, kisses his son Absalom.

Friendly subversion—2 Samuel 15

1. By hearing out the complaints and issuing favorable judgments at the city gate, Absalom “stole the hearts of everyone”.

2. Four more years…

3. (15:7-8 )a vow to God or a plot of rebellion?  Note how deception (secrets/lies) poison relationships.

4. 15:10 two hundred men went innocently along.  In what ways have your opinions/feelings been decided by others as you get caught up in the “group think”?

5. David learns of the revolt and 15:13 how the “whole country” has taken Absalom’s side.  Note the all/nothing thinking of the moment.

6. David coaches a friend, Hushai, to vow allegiance to Absalom to (a) confuse the highly regarded Ahithophel’s advice, and (b) get intelligence back to David.

7. David weeps leaving the city as he climbs the Mt. of Olives.

Pathetic old man versus the mangy dog—2 Samuel 16

1. Note how people react to the power vacuum by choosing sides.  Ziba brings supplies out for the King, but makes his own master, Mephibosheth (an old family friend to David) look bad. Shimei, the mangy dog, harasses David/his men with insults, rocks, and accusation that David “stole the Kingdom from Saul (Shimei’s family)”.

2. Note David modeling humility and owning limitations/failings as he forbids an attack on Shimei.  16:11 “who knows….maybe God told him to curse me”

3. Meanwhile, as David slips away across the Jordan, Ahithophel’s counsel has been confused “by God” as Hushai offers an alternate plan that allows David time to flee.

Ahithophel suicides. What is it like for you when your normal respect/sense of usefulness is gone?

The victory that turned into mourning 2 Samuel 18

1. Our human tendency is to want to win arguments.  David goes to war with his son and commands his army to “deal gently with Absalom”.

2. 18:10 a solitary soldier finds Absalom caught by his thick hair in a tree and his mule long gone.  The soldier is conflicted as he refuses to kill Absalom thus drawing the wrath of Joab who kills Absalom himself.

3. When David hears news of the battle, his one preoccupation is Absalom’s wellbeing, but tragically, his son is dead.  David cries out that he would have died for Absalom.

4. Joab rebukes the King for discouraging his army that fought bravely for David.

5. David replaces Joab with Amasa, thus relieving him of duty and gaining the hearts of the soldiers who had fought with Amasa against David.

A couple of years ago, when we were praying about how God wanted us to reach out to our city, we sensed God speaking to us to partner with existing organizations that are already working among the poor and disenfranchised in Athens.  The idea was something like this:

• Serve and bless the existing organization, along with their staff and volunteers, just because we should be overjoyed to serve and bless them.
• Communicate to them that we share their values and appreciate their efforts, instead of starting an equivalent, Christian version of what they are already doing (and thereby communicating that we really don’t appreciate their efforts)
• Create opportunities for other volunteers in the community to work alongside us in serving these organizations (Athens loves to volunteer and we typically utilize Hands On Northeast Georgia website)
• Make relationships with all the staff and volunteers that we can, creating opportunities for God to work alongside us and reach out to them with the life-changing gospel.
• In all these ways, we get to serve the poor, the staff from the organizations, and the volunteers from around the city and university.  That’s quite a diversity of people.

In the last couple of years, we have worked alongside The Cottage (sexual assault center), Action Inc., public schools, and Healthy Grandparents (Now ‘Grandparents Raising Grandchildren’ ACC Council on Aging) as well as others.  We specifically think God is calling us to non-Christian organizations, and we have, indeed,  seen the most fruit when we have served those groups in particular, and get by far the most church participation when serving secular agencies.

I have actually been humbled by working with these wonderful people, to the end that I feel I should be thanking them for allowing us to serve them.  They have been so open to us.  I haven’t felt that they are wary of us, afraid of our message, cautioning us not to ‘proselytize’ or anything.  Instead, they have been overly receptive.

For example, we had a movie night for the teenagers from the ‘Grandparents Raising Grandchilden’ group.  I cautiously asked what they were comfortable with regarding what we shared with the kids.  They didn’t have any limits at all.

Our results are not earth shattering, but we have seen people ministered to, people we’ve met have ended up at the Vineyard, and we have felt the hand of God upon our work.