Yowza.

Full disclosure: I find it difficult to share my emotions. I tend to be very introspective, reflective, quiet, and cerebral. Sometimes even my closest friends have to drag information and feelings out of me when I’m being closed off and secretive. The emotions related to my departure from Vineyard are both intense and varied. You can see the dilemma here. Regarding my move, I’m sad, excited for the future, nervous, and conflicted. I don’t doubt that my move is definitely the right thing for me to do, but that certainly doesn’t make it easier for me to say goodbye to all my Vineyard friends and the relationships that I treasure. I had a professor in college who often talked about grief, and used to say that whenever we lose anything (a relationship, friendship, family member, pet, cherished possession, etc), we go through a type of grieving process. I have to admit that I’ll be experiencing grief because of my move from my church home.

I was born into my first church, raised there, and it was the center of my spiritual life for nearly 22 years. When I moved to Athens, I was almost certain that I was going to spend a great deal of time looking for a new church. I just happened to stumble upon Vineyard’s website during a search for churches in the area, and remembered a friend several years ago talking about how much he enjoyed the worship at a Vineyard he attended once. I’d never heard anything else about the Vineyard movement, and was in the mood to try something a little different and unknown. So on what was either my first or second Sunday in Athens, I walked into Vineyard not knowing what to expect. I found people who were open and genuine. I experienced the presence of the Spirit during worship. I heard a biblical message. Multiple times in my first weeks of attendance I was offered (and gladly accepted) prayer from various Vineyard members. Almost immediately, I connected with people, started building relationships, and felt like I was home.

Over the years, I’ve had the pleasure of being involved in many friendships and relationships here, and one of my greatest senses of loss will be of everyone here that I know and love so dearly. It would take far too much space just to name all the people I appreciate at Vineyard, and that’s without me even mentioning the reasons why. Tyler often speaks of the importance of relationships. Once, I had the privilege of observing his thought process while he was simplifying the official written description of mentoring to a single page. Tyler remarked (not exactly facetiously) that he’d like to type the words “build relationships” over and over on the page in large bold font, and leave it at that. I’m not attempting to knock Tyler for his mindset; I understand and appreciate his viewpoint. The longest-lasting effects of Athens Vineyard will be from the bonds I’ve shared with the people of Vineyard.

Paul talks about how the Church is like a body, with people functioning as various parts of the body. I feel like an appendage or organ that has just been amputated from its’ current body and will soon be regrafted onto another (since I’ll be attending my first church again). I’ve changed as a person a great deal, and served here in a much different capacity. There I was a hand, while here I’m an eye, so to speak–though that probably exaggerates my importance. Perhaps there I was a hair follicle and here I’m a toenail, but I digress. My search in Pensacola won’t be for a place to be, but how best to serve where I am. I feel some uncertainty about what I’ll be doing and where I’ll be serving, but that doubt is paired with determination. I certainly still feel connected to Vineyard (I felt that way even before I knew I’d contributing to the website), and decided before I left that I would try to carry a little slice of Athens Vineyard with me to Myrtle Grove United Methodist. I don’t know what form this bit of Vineyard essence will take, but I intend to persevere in prayer until I find out.